A peek at a possible future

Until one fateful Sunday when I was bored at work and decided to read past editions of the New York Times' Sunday Magazine, I hadn't given much thought to what our marriage would be like. I mean, I assumed it would be more of what we do now, only with an added tax benefit. Then I began reading "Married (Happily) With Issues," the cover story of the Dec. 12 New York Times Magazine.

Overview
In it, Elizabeth Weil describes her marriage as "pretty good." Unfortunately for her analytical mind, Weil realizes that she thinks of her marriage as being "like the waves on the ocean, a fact of life, determined by the sandbars below, shaped by fate and the universe, not by me." She thinks that it is just "O.K." because they haven't tried. If her and her husband, Dan, begin to apply themselves, how much better could it be?
While this may be logical, it ends up leading to a storm of issues. As Weil recalls, "You set out to improve your marriage; it implodes."

Gut reactions
Over the course of reading the article, I began thinking about the boy and I.
Weil says this about their decision to marry: "We never discussed, or considered discussing, why we were getting married or what a good marriage would mean. It all seemed obvious. I loved Dan; I loved how I felt with him. Ergo I wanted to be his wife."
I was taken aback by that. That's what I feel. Is that the wrong answer? Suddenly I was asking myself, "Why do I really want to get married?" But I couldn't come up with anything else. Freaked out, I stopped reading for a day.

Monday, again bored at work, I decided to take a second crack at the article. That's when I read that Weil admits that "while working to improve our marriage, I found myself pushing my husband away." Things only got worse for the two as divorce eventually got brought up.
And through it all, I kept getting more scared. I mean, my family's history doesn't offer a vote of confidence for me making it in a marriage. Not only are my parents divorced, but their parents are divorced. Two of my mom's siblings are divorced (my dad doesn't have siblings to add to the pattern). Even my sister is getting divorced. The boy says this just means that I'll be breaking the pattern, but if I've had no good examples of marriage, how can I hope to be in a good marriage?

Weil concludes that the "good-enough marriage" is one in which both partners "keep growing, to afford them the strength and bravery required to face the world."
I do think we do this well. Each of us saves the other from ourselves, while at the same time we allow each other to be ourselves. The boy may do a little more of that right now, but as time goes on, I'm sure it will even out. I think the best lesson Weil has is the one she doesn't actually spell out: Don't try too hard. I think marriage comes a lot more naturally than she thinks. And the reasons for marrying come even more naturally. I think our reasons are just as valid as any other, and the fact that there was no surprise among any of our friends that we were getting engaged helps to drive that point home to me.

Bottom line

This article is worth the read, even if you aren't yet married. And despite not always agreeing with her dim view of marriage, it did get me thinking about my impending nuptials and the future they would bring. And, to me, the best marker of good writing is that it forces you to think about your own life.

Wedding details

I thought I'd spend this post compiling some of the bouquet/boutonniere styles I've found. The fiance and I are hoping to buy flowers in bulk and make simple arrangements to save money. I stress simple because everyone says it's not good to take on projects when you already have to deal with the basic stress that goes along with weddings. Why do they have to be so stressful? It's supposed to be about happiness and love! Oy, I believe that's another post altogether. On to the eye candy!


The basic gist is that I would have calla lilies. I've since learned that Calla's are kinds of cliche wedding flowers. But they are my favorite, so what can I do? I could just do this:


But I would definitely say that it is way too simple. My best bet is to mix some other flowers in, preferably slightly cheaper ones to fill out the bouquet without costing a fortune.

Maybe this?
You're right, that's almost in the too complicated category. And it looks like there are orchids in there, and those puppies are super expensive. Instead I might try either of these:


As far as the gentlemen go, I like this one a lot:


What's encouraging is that someone made the above one all by themselves after buying the flowers in bulk and investing in some florists tape and safety pins. I might replace the little white flower with a yellow flower.

Friday Finds: 20x200

Today I thought I would share a Web site I found that I enjoy. It's called 20x200. 20X200 is a Web site that aims to create "a place where almost any art lover can be an art collector." Essentially it offers 8x10 versions of unique works of art by relatively unknown artists with intriguing perspectives for only $20. Larger prints cost more, but just having a beautiful work of art, even if it is fairly small, is a lovely feeling. I haven't made a purchase myself yet, but I wouldn't mind owning one of these:

Paintings

"Can You Imagine" by Trey Speegle

This piece makes me think of my lovely former roomie and the colorful prints that she used to cover our walls with. Love ya, babe!

"Curvilinear Time" by Jessica Snow

Photography

There's just something gorgeous and intriguing about the composition of this piece:

"Engine Lathe Shelves" by Joseph O. Holmes

I love the swirls and textures in this print:

"Velodrome" by James Deavin

Food again? It's like I'm hungry or something.

We were lazy tonight. So instead of cooking the bacon-wrapped tilapia that I had planned on making, the fiance and I went to bd's Mongolian Grill (Don't worry. A recipe for said tilapia will soon be appearing.). If you know nothing about Mongolian Grill-style food, than let me break it down: It's make-your-own stir fry. Yes, it is that simple.

At bd's, the corporate version of the Mongolian BBQ's I went to as a child, you order either one bowl or unlimited bowls (for only $2 dollars more). You also tell your server if you want white or brown rice and tortillas or lettuce wraps.

You then fill your bowl with your choice meat (from chicken to beef to fish to scallop to calamari), noodles(if you want them), and veggies (and tofu is in this section as well). Then you get your pick of 20-some sauces, which you can then doctor with an array of dry spices or fresh grated garlic. You take your bowl to the open grill where boisterous grill masters will cook up your choices and add your sauce at the end, just to warm it through.

This is what mine looked like when it was done:


I got lettuce wraps and there is brown rice in the black and red bowl. In this plate, I got scallops, bok choy, mushrooms and baby corn with Mongolian BBQ sauce that I added fresh garlic and red chile sauce to. For my other plate, I got strip steak, chicken, broccoli, carrots, bean sprouts, red peppers, mushrooms and baby corn.

I got water, but the boy got one of the many cocktails that they offered (he likely picked the fruitiest one he could find, because, let's face it, he's a girly drinker).

Conclusion: Delicious and a LOT of food. If you're not that hungry go for the one bowl and just overfill that one bowl. Then maybe you'll have room for some of the desserts they offer. Also, this restaurant has an ambiance that seems fit for a loud, boisterous party, say with a bunch of the fiance's frat brothers?

Eggplant never tasted so good.

At the grocery store I discovered some lovely eggplant. Now, eggplant and I have a history. I've detested most renditions of Eggplant Parmesan (except a local family-owned Italian restaurant's version), but I've enjoyed eggplant primavera (where you saute eggplant, zucchini, mushrooms, tomatoes, etc. and eventually come out with a lovely, chunky pasta sauce). The eggplant has always intrigued me. It's thick meaty texture means it should make a healthy and filling stand-in for meat, and it's a pretty purple (unless you skin it, like most recipes call for). So I'm always, in theory anyway, excited about the idea of experimenting with this misunderstood vegetable.
I'm not sure where I found a recipe for Eggplant Rollatini (think vegetarian stuffed shells), but I ended up not even following it, so I guess that means I made up my own recipe!

EGGPLANT ROLLATINI
Serves: 4

1 large eggplant, peeled and sliced lengthwise
sea salt (NOT ground)
1 cup olive oil
1/4 cup Parmesan cheese
2 tbsp chopped basil
1 cup ricotta
1 egg
salt/pepper

First, slice peel and slice the eggplant lengthwise so that it's about 1/4 inch thick. Observe:


The point here is that you need to be able to wrap it around some ricotta, so it needs to be thin enough to be pliable, but not so thin that it dissolves when you bake it later on.

Next, and this is really the secret to anything involving eggplant, sweat your eggplant! I did this by salting each side with sea salt, and then leaving it in a pan for 30 minutes. You need big chunks of the salt. Don't grind it into a powder.


What happens during those 30 minutes is key to good eggplant (or so I'm told): All that salt draws much of the water (and bitterness) out. You have to use big grains of salt because otherwise all the salt kind of dissolves into the eggplant, and you want to eventually rinse the salt water off the slices.
When the eggplant is almost done sweating, turn your oven's broiler on. Mix olive oil, Parmesan cheese and basil in a bowl. I included measurements above, but you you can eyeball these depending on the amount of eggplant you actually have.


Spread your rinsed off eggplant slices onto a baking sheet (or two). Get a brush (I actually bought a pack of three paint brushes a few years ago and I've been using these in my cooking) and brush the mixture onto one side of the eggplant. Don't use all of it or you'll have to make more for the other sides (which is also fine, again I made this recipe up!)


These will go under your broiler for 5 minutes on each side (I made that number up, too!)

While they get all warm and happy, measure out the ricotta and add salt and pepper to taste (you could also add basil, oregano, etc.). Mix the ricotta and egg until smooth (this is why you season this first, otherwise you'd end up eating raw egg when you check the seasonings). Add some parmesan cheese, any amount is fine (or mozzerella or any other kind of cheese). Or leave the extra cheese out altogether (but who doesn't like extra gooeyness?)


The eggplant will come out golden brown (or slightly black if you fail at checking them before they burn) and smelling of awesome. Plop a spoonful of the ricotta mixture at one end of the slice and then roll them up (if you're fingers haven't become immune to heat like mine have, you might want to wait until they've cooled slightly).


Line up your rolls in a baking pan (above), cover with pasta sauce and cheese and bake at 350 until cooked through and bubbly. I left mine in for 20 minutes, but you could go longer. Keep in mind there is raw egg in the ricotta, so that needs to get cooked, but 20 minutes should do it. Enjoy!