Thursday, October 11, 2007

Not doing homework

Break was actually really nice. My boyfriend (Travis) and I went to two movies, The Seeker: The Dark is Rising and Resident Evil: Extinction. Both were really good movies. The Seeker is kind of a kiddie movie but it had amazing cinematography and music. Everyone seemed to find it kind of a predictable but I thought it was the use of symbols, foreshadowing, and music that helped you figure out exactly what was gonna be happening. And let's face it, you feel good about yourself when you are able to guess where a movie is going. I thought the plot was actually very good. Resident Evil is, at its core, supposed to be just a zombie movie. But I've decided I like that franchise (if we leave out the first one) because it is more intelligent than just a horror movie. Plus, Milla Jovovich makes me think of Fifth Element and Oded Fehr (Carlos) is just hot.

I've been thinking lately that I have a lot of trouble remembering happy memories. They seem to just fade away on me and all i'm left with is the depressing ones. And even the simple happy moments that I can always count on (snuggling with Travis) are often clouded with the amount of gloomy thoughts I tend to have during those times. Travis and I have this thing (b/c I am really stupid and way too self-reliant). Whenever he notices that something is wrong he asks me if I'm okay. I always, automatically, say yes. Then he says pinkie swear...meaning that I am not allowed to lie to him in that moment and I HAVE to tell him if something is wrong. If i am really okay, then I pinkie swear that I am and we move on. Usually if something is wrong I smile, shake my head and then he asks me about it and he just waits for me to eventually tell him. Tuesday I pinkie sweared when I shouldn't have. I lied. I was thinking about all the bad memories I have and I was getting down and thinking about all the stuff that is happening now and all the stuff that we'll be facing in the future and I was starting to drop off the edge...and I lied and said I was fine. Which may seem small to many, but since we had this major truth session a year ago I vowed never to lie again. I decided that even if i had no idea why i was feeling bad or sad or depressed, I would at least let him know that was what I was feeling. And this time I didn't. And that is a huge thing. And it is making me worse. And making me less able to focus on all this work I have to do. :-(

I am so thankful, though, that I have him. Because he cares and listens and offers advice to comfort or even just sits there and holds me in my silence, which is comfort enough sometimes.

Website of the week:
This one is interesting, especially to a person that is running out of books written by favorite authors. What Should I Read Next? is a site that takes a list of your recent favorite books and suggests books you should read next (just as the site's title suggests). For example, I put in From the Corner of His Eye by Dean Koontz (one of my all time favorites). It first suggested some other Dean Koontz books (I've read them all so I moved on). Then it listed a few more: Edge of the Moon by Rebecca York (part of a series about paranormal events, which also fits the subject of Koontz's book) and Jupiter's Bones by Faye Killerman (a detective book, it fits)among others. And if you register, you can eventually help them guide their choices and make the searches better (kind of like pandora...but with a little less immediate feedback).

Quote of the week:
Freedom, morality, and the human dignity of the individual consists precisely in this; that he does good not because he is forced to do so, but because he freely conceives it, wants it, and loves it.
-- Mikhail Bakunin, God and the State, from The Columbia Dictionary of Quotations