Saturday, March 1, 2008

A little lost...

Sorry it has been so long, this semester has been unimaginably difficult. And, again, I'm pretty much not doing this resolution. I realized, that pushing myself to be creative, as I've realized before, does nothing but make me hate myself for not succeeding. I have a bad problem with failing or even seeming to fail.
This is not to say that I refuse to post pictures, in fact I promise to post them as the need actually arises. Such as today when I finally picked up my prints from Oregon.
Which, I admit, aren't that good. Mostly, this is because it had been so long since I had taken pictures that all of manual settings were off. It was rainy, so it was difficult to get a good shot anyway. Though, that of course is no excuse, because rainy days make for beautiful moody shots, which I have always preferred.
The image above is at a lake in a state park in Florence, Ore. It is near where my Aunt and Uncle live. It was actually quite wonderful because the lake was so big and surrounded by trees so it offered wonderful opportunities if only I had bothered to exert the knowledge I have to make my photos better.
Some of my other great photos were from the coast. I love the Oregon coast. The wild abandon that the waves show as they throw themselves on the rocks and cliff faces makes me more introspective than I usually allow myself to be. It's wonderful.
This above image is on Highway 101 between Newport and Florence. One of the best roads in the country for breathtaking vistas, in my opinion anyway. And, during the winter, the wet season makes for some spectacular skies. The darkness of this image is what really draws me in I think.
Overall, my experience of Oregon has made me fall in love with it. I want to end up there one day. I know I do. I found out the other day that Dr. Lee knows someone who used to teach at University of Oregon and that he thought it was a great school. I agree. My only pause is of course Travis. He says he'll go anywhere with me, but will he really want to leave his family? Do I want to lose my chance at experiencing more of the kind of family life that I would want my children (if I do indeed have them) to have, the kind of family life I never experienced?
Questions beat at me in waves. Or I am those waves, constantly beating myself up on questions about the future? All I want to do is share Oregon with Travis. All I can really do now is dream of it for myself.
Questioning the Darkness
Quote of the day:
"So remember when we were driving, driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped round my shoulder
And I had the feeling that I belong
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You've got a fast car
Is it fast enough so you can fly away?
We gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way..." ~~"Fast Car" MYMP

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